A guide to etiquette in the UK advises not to clink glasses during a toast, put salt on food without tasting it first or discuss sex or politics at the dinner table. Apparently these are top of a new list of social no-nos.
Oh well, cross the French off the guest list then.
It goes on to advise against such faux pas as: obtrusive underwear; crumpled, frumpy, tarty and lazy clothing; tucking your napkin into your shirt, deemed the height of vulgarity.
Hang fire, some of those stylish Gauls can come after all.
Diners should apparently stick to conversational safe subjects such as the weather, food and nature. Dinner, it says, is never a forum for debate.
No. Sorry, changed our mind. The French definitely can't come.
And if you should - heaven forbid - drop your napkin on the floor, do let the butler retrieve it.
Quoi? Knickers? Nature? Butlers? I'd rather stay at home with a takeaway and a piece of kitchen roll.